Reverting to a moment not long ago, is a time I could divulge as close as I can correlate the contemplation of Hamlet and his speculation of suicide. Weighing the options is admission of a weakened spirit. With the undulating theme in this life, as a man, in society – you show no weakness. In my right mind, I am convinced this type of thinking is now archaic. There are women in my circle of friends, having suffered far worse misery than I. Extrapolating on what my heart and mind interpret as an injustice that had transpired were unrelenting coming from someone supposedly close to one’s vulnerabilities, thoughts, and finances. One would find most difficult to believe that your spouse would be your greatest enemy.
Upon further scrutiny of those past years; the anguish, uncertainty, manipulation, and false promises made turned up void in a reliance of a partnership in life, bonded in matrimony, only to circumvent your trust with lies. The precipitous barrage of falsehoods and dwindling bank account seemed to be the main course consistently served on a plate daily. To me, it was hell. I did not get married to get divorced but could not continue living in the state of flux. It was a time that I felt I was screaming from the top of my lungs and no one could hear me. All alone amongst an abundance of people not in sync, unlinked to my plight, with finances tight, my stance was awkward, but had turned upright. I did not want to expire my life, I desired to rise up as the phoenix from the ashes of despair; I make a conscious effort to be proactive and correct my situation. Within the transition of the correction, I have developed a connection, specifically reconnected with a woman from my past, to whom I was fond of when we were kids. I find a piece of peace, in her, at last. She is jazz to my soul like Etta James, and I complete her as a melody profound as Coltrane. We blend together, right as rain.